ingenting, and there is nothing

one (demon) could be called the "demon of nothingness."
this is quite simply...
...when my creativity or my imagination... abandons me.
it means that things go totally silent, get totally empty.
and there's nothing (ingenting) there.

but that has never happened to me...
...which is something for which i'm profoundly grateful.


bergman discussing demons and nothingness
in marie nyreröd's bergman's island - 2004
plus images of fårö

(sounds like dirt vi) heroin, it's my life

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

what have i become?
my sweetest friend

everyone i know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feelings disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

(t reznor / johnny cash - the cash version specifically)

*****

i don't know
just where i'm going
but i'm gonna try for the kingdom, if i can
'cause it makes me feel like i'm a man
when i put a spike into my vein
and i'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
when i'm rushing on my run
and i feel just like jesus' son
and i guess that i just don't know
and i guess that i just don't know

i have made big decision
i'm gonna try to nullify my life
'cause when the blood begins to flow
when it shoots up the dropper's neck
when i'm closing in on death
and you can't help me now, you guys
all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
you can all go take a walk
and i guess that i just don't know
and i guess that i just don't know

i wish that i was born a thousand years ago
i wish that i'd sail the darkened seas
on a great big clipper ship
going from this land here to that
on a sailor's suit and cap
away from the big city
where a man can not be free
of all of the evils of this town
and of himself, and those around
oh, and i guess that i just don't know
oh, and i guess that i just don't know

heroin, be the death of me
heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
because a mainer to my vein
leads to a center in my head
and then i'm better off and dead
because when the smack begins to flow
i really don't care anymore
about all the jim-jim's in this town
and all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
and everybody puttin' everybody else down
and all the dead bodies piled up in mounds

'cause when the smack begins to flow
then i really don't care anymore
ah, when the heroin is in my blood
and that blood is in my head
then thank God that i'm as good as dead
then thank your God that i'm not aware
and thank God that i just don't care
and i guess i just don't know
oh, and i guess i just don't know

(vu)

terrence malick - the thin red line - 1999
cinematography by john toll

(sounds like dirt v)

they asked me how i knew
my true love was true
oh, i of course replied
something here inside cannot be denied

they said someday you'll find
all who love are blind
oh, when your heart's on fire
you must realize
smoke gets in your eyes

so i chaffed them and i gaily laughed
to think they could doubt my love
yet today my love has flown away
i am without my love

now laughing friends deride
tears i can not hide
oh, so i smile and say
when a lovely flame dies
smoke gets in your eyes
smoke gets in your eyes

(jerome kern and otto harbach)

(sounds like dirt iv)

there was a boy
a very strange enchanted boy
they say he wandered very far, very far
over land and sea
a little shy
and sad of eye
but very wise
was he

and then one day
a magic day he passed my way
and while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
this he said to me
"the greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved
in return"

(eden ahbez)

there was a boy
he had a toy
to play with

he made it from the mud
dried it in the sun
someone in his household
didn't like it
destroyed the only thing
he'd ever done

come on you can take it
if you need to
all this happiness
is not just mine

i think i know the dark
as well as you do
i think i know it very well

the sun is like a pain
it's like my father
sometimes it gives me strength
sometimes it makes me cry

i was born to follow
like no other
i was bound to loose
i was bound to die

(kath bloom)

(sounds like dirt iii)

same but different

i'm in a boat
on the sea
and i see
you on the shore
so sure
of yourself

you're in a boat
on the sea
and you see
me on the shore
so sure
of myself

we're in a boat
all at sea
and we see
we are the same
the same
but different

vashti bunyan from not alone - 2006 (works better aurally with image - her delicate voice)
kazuumi takahashi - high tide wane moon #25 - 2002

philip kaufman - the white dawn - 1974
stock footage, and
footage from cinematographer michael chapman

(sounds like dirt ii)

who's in a bunker
women and children first
and the children first

i've seen too much
you haven't seen enough
you haven't seen it

here i'm alive
everything all of the time
here i'm alive
everything all of the time

ice age coming
let me hear both sides
throw them in the fire

this is really happening
take the money and run

here i'm alive
everything all of the time

and first and the children . .

(virilio/tête-radio)

(sounds like dirt)

this bitter earth
well, what fruit it bears

and if my life
is like the dust
that hides the glow of a rose

what good am i
heaven only knows

yes can be so cold
today you are young
too soon you are old
but while a voice within me cries
i'm sure someone may answer my call

and this bitter earth
may not be so bitter after all

what good is love
that no-one shares
and if my life is like the dust
that hides the glow of a rose
what good am i
heaven only knows

****

the glow of a rose
under so many lids
can be so cold

joy of being
what kind of beings are they then
o shooting star
of a rose
while a voice
or an unfinished song

i live my life in widening rings
earth and sky
for they were riverbeds once
and in their sweetness
wander anywhere
i cannot name it

chamber of my heart
weeping too, perhaps
always both
how he loved and yet
depths bend toward you
heavens of lavished stars

the face that is dissolved
empty space, alone
god leapt out
from a motionless cloud

empty at last
landscape of her sorrow
and when she weeps
oh heavy with weeping

(various roses from rainer maria collected while listening to the bitter earth)

(a bit of silence, looking for inspiration, back soon)

667djp

jules janssen - photographies de la surface solaire - 1884

eminently suitable for whoever wishes to do penance in a place remote from mankind

you have the gift of blarney about you

multum in parvo

the phrase multum in parvo has always had a special significance for me. in its terse and compact latin diction, it exemplifies exactly what it connotes: much in little. the archetype of brevity, however, is not easy to define. abstraction, conciseness, symbolism, and imaginative potential are basic in the concept. a multiplicity of detail is concentrated into a unified principle, the particular is transformed into the universal, a largeness of meaning is conveyed with the utmost of means. this largeness of meaning should be accompanied by a dramatic impact, in a word: insight with a gasp.

carl zigrosser - multum in parvo - george braziller - 1965
image - nicholas kis
post inspired by discussions with jack stauffacher