(sounds like dirt vi) heroin, it's my life

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

what have i become?
my sweetest friend

everyone i know
goes away in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feelings disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here

what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

(t reznor / johnny cash - the cash version specifically)

*****

i don't know
just where i'm going
but i'm gonna try for the kingdom, if i can
'cause it makes me feel like i'm a man
when i put a spike into my vein
and i'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
when i'm rushing on my run
and i feel just like jesus' son
and i guess that i just don't know
and i guess that i just don't know

i have made big decision
i'm gonna try to nullify my life
'cause when the blood begins to flow
when it shoots up the dropper's neck
when i'm closing in on death
and you can't help me now, you guys
all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
you can all go take a walk
and i guess that i just don't know
and i guess that i just don't know

i wish that i was born a thousand years ago
i wish that i'd sail the darkened seas
on a great big clipper ship
going from this land here to that
on a sailor's suit and cap
away from the big city
where a man can not be free
of all of the evils of this town
and of himself, and those around
oh, and i guess that i just don't know
oh, and i guess that i just don't know

heroin, be the death of me
heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
because a mainer to my vein
leads to a center in my head
and then i'm better off and dead
because when the smack begins to flow
i really don't care anymore
about all the jim-jim's in this town
and all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
and everybody puttin' everybody else down
and all the dead bodies piled up in mounds

'cause when the smack begins to flow
then i really don't care anymore
ah, when the heroin is in my blood
and that blood is in my head
then thank God that i'm as good as dead
then thank your God that i'm not aware
and thank God that i just don't care
and i guess i just don't know
oh, and i guess i just don't know

(vu)

terrence malick - the thin red line - 1999
cinematography by john toll